This morning while I was lamenting my less than stellar bank account number and making a PB&J I thought to myself, "well, I better get used to this for a while if I want to buy Christmas presents." Then a little ping went off and a thought bubble floated over my head that said "#FIRSTWORLDPROBLEM." Yeah, thought bubbles float over me. Be jealous.
First, that PB&J wasn't even a PB&J--It was almond butter and artisanal jam on multi-grain protein bread. That was maybe the douchiest thing I've ever written. Apologies. Second, even though my family, myself included, have very expensive taste, doesn't necessarily mean that I have to empty my sad, small piggy bank. There I go lamenting again (thank you dictionary.com word of the day). Let's call my bank account quaint. Anyhow, I just have to be more creative with my gift giving. And on the flip side, I shouldn't want so many fancy things. The fact that my idea of "roughing it" includes the fanciest PB&J in history means I'm not in real trouble yet. When you see me on a VH1 rehab reality show, then I can start being a whiny bitch, but just for a little bit because those girls always end up getting kicked out of the house.
So in the name of perspective, I'm listing my first world problems.
1. I can tweet about my first world problems on my iPhone.
2. I ate one and half of that fancy PB&J. Then I felt really full.
3. Today I have the day off and I'm trying to fit in Christmas shopping, painting my nails, cleaning the house, and dinner/drinks with friends.
4. My feet get sweaty in my Tom's so I have to wear those little footy socks. LIFE IS SO HARD.
5. I got pissed at Target last week because they didn't have my Puffs Plus with Lotion so I had to go without the lotion.
6. I had to open a bottle of wine with one of those traveling corkscrews because I couldn't find my other one that involves less than no effort.
7. While cleaning the house today I sighed because not all my dishes would fit in my dishwasher so I had to hand wash a few.
8. My roommate's dad came to the apartment early this morning. I got mad because they woke me up at 9:15.
That is what I can think of off the top of my head. So instead of doing all that Christmas shopping today I think I'm just gonna sign up for the Peace Corps. I'll be in the Sudan for the next two years so if I don't update anytime soon, that's why. Peace and organic free-range chicken grease, ya'll!
**I think blogging/internet complaining about your first world problems is in itself a first world problem. Sorry to get so meta. I swear I'm not high.