When Did I Get Pregnant?

I went to Target today and spent a record low $16 on soap, a loofa and tampons. Normally I walk out of there $50 poorer, bewildered as to how I just spent half a days wages on practically nothing. Today, I was pretty proud at my restraint and walked out with my receipt and a coupon for a $10 gift card with the purchase of two packs of diapers. Cool! I'll give this coupon to Savannah, who has a baby on the way.


It wasn't until just now that I even thought about how strange it is that I bought tampons and Target is assuming that I have a need for diapers. Call me crazy, but a woman buying tampons is probably not in her second trimester. I read this New York Times article on Target's marketing strategy which talks about how they try to anticipate what we want before we even know we want them. Well, Target, your fancy M.I.T. statisticians were wrong about this lady.

This is a list of things for coupons that I think would be better suited for a woman buying tampons:
-Ben&Jerry's ice cream
-the romantic comedy two-pack dvds ("Never Been Kissed" and "Ever After"; "You've Got Mail" and "Sleepless in Seattle"; "The Holiday" and "What Happens in Vegas")
-condoms
-Any Jillian Michaels dvd

Or better yet, just no coupon at all. Those things have an expiration date of a week, you always have to buy 10 of something to get 75 cents off, and it's never something you actually want. I came to Target to get some soap, not to deeply examine my desire to have or not have a child.

Sometimes I can't believe I majored in this nonsense. The sad part about all of it is that it works. These psychic hotline Miss Cleo algorithms that they come up with have made Target and other corporations like them a lot of money. I'm just really glad I'm not part of it. Did I mention that I'm writing this blog post as an extended tangent that I went off of while job hunting? I wish I didn't need the internet to job hunt, because all of a sudden I'm getting enraged over Target's presumptuousness and looking up articles I read 6 months ago and then I wonder how much money I still have in my bank account after I've forked it all over to Target then I'm anger cleaning the kitchen counter. Then I blog about it all. Then it's 3 hours later and I've done nothing that I set out to do but the kitchen counter is extremely clean.

So in conclusion, shut the fuck up about my lady parts, Target.