Please only refer to me as Dinky Bubble Pants Rawr Rawr

Here's a real laugh/cry moment, folks. Remember when we were kids and we read books and played outside for fun? Now tweens have the internet and make up quizzes about what your stripper name will be or if you would survive as a dragon (both real, sadly). Here are my names if I was anything but a real human being living in this reality:

Blues: Texas Killer Bailey
Stripper: Isis Glitter-Ridge
Lord of the Rings: Svelvan of the Afterborn
Spirit: Brittnia (just. what?)
Cartoon Character: Dinky Bubble Pants
Unicorn: Rawr Rawr (unicorns have gotten more fierce, apparently. At least this unicorn is. OH SNAP)

My bored friend's names were far more horrendous than mine. In the same order:
Blind Bones Davis
Cinnamon Leather-Hiney (omg so gross)
Nongwen Orc-Death
Crystal
Squeezeit Apple Chunks
Bluebell Blue Nostrils

If I was the parent of a teen now, I would never let my kid have a computer or tv in their room. Jesus, look what they spend their time doing. All they do is make up non-educational quizzes and to add insult to injury, they have the WORST grammar. The U.S. public school system has FAILED. Miserably. Best case scenario, this is poorly made computer program. Case in point:
"A wounded dragon on the edge of death is in your cave, what would you do!?"
A. Kill them!!
B. Sit by their side and watch them die with symphony in your eyes.
C. Get some cob webs and water to help their wounds. Te=hen fetch then some food and try to make friends with them.

Well, clearly cob webs and water to help with their wounds. And when that doesn't work BECAUSE THAT'S NOT ANYTHING, watch them die with symphony in your eyes. P.S. the name of the quiz is "Would you survive as a dragon?" YOU.

I fully acknowledge that by taking these quizzes that I am both wasting moments of my life that I will never get back and giving these websites more hits and therefore validation of their existence, but I am an adult with a fully formed brain. 12 year-old kids still got a ways to go. They are so vulnerable to the YouTube/reality show age of  "It's so funny because it's dumb!" excuse for reading this shit and watching that shit. What I'm saying is, just go read a book (that isn't Twilight). Seriously. Why are you still reading this blog? Go!